Why Don't I Know?

Why didn't you tell me?
excuses..excuses...
BULL SHIT
Were you not aware?
you didn't have time, is that it?
YEAH RIGHT
you didn't want to care about what was happening to me.
and u let me fear myself without truly understanding.
Do you even know what i went through?
all you say to me me is
Why?
or
I understand just tell me..
WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T
because if you did i wouldn't have had to hide it from you
what i have had to do to help myself...
well it'll all be too late now...
better safe than sorry, right?
You're not always going to be right...

Hiding Behind My Fake Smile...

Saddness isn't safe to be,
around here.
locked up inside,
painlessness is surreal...
is dangerous...

Know what you're doing...

What's going on?
Why are you telling me this?
What happened to 'stop being in a box'?
Now u force me to trap myself in here?
Once i starting becoming myself nonetheless...
Why are you doing this?
Do you not even know what to do with me?
If so then leave me be and i will decide for you...
If not, then please elaborate,
because it seems you've lost me and i don't want you to get me back.
Maybe next time you'll understand...

Suicide isn't the answer...

Everyday after school I'd wonder..."What would happen if I just suddenly died...Who would care?...Who wouldn't care??...Would it make a difference??...."As continued thinking I decided..."My life is too busy to be taken away...I want to help everyone so that they can somehow reach happiness...or a goal...I have too much going on in my life to suddenly die...If I were to die anytime soon I would want it to happen after I have reached two major goals in my life....Knowning that when i left i was happy aswell....

I'm Dying...Inside..

Three years of middle school....ruined, wasted, in the past... in present day comes to realization that i'm alone, as it has been... will be and always, forever. Hoping for the hopeless, having faith in nothing to come. Waiting patiently for a sign, anything to keeping going. For so long yearning for an understander, someone who can let me out of my cage. For now, i'm a lost, beaten puppy, looking for an accepting owner to love. Three years of wasteful thoughts of nothing in return of so much generosity. A lonely angel, seeing and helping happiness, but not experiencing it herself. Alone. AGAIN. Is there someone there that can see my invisible form...feeling as i'm an easily forgotten person. Giving nothing but hard work and the strength of hope. But what's the use now, for my realization. Slowly losing hope. slowly losing myself. What am I becoming? Who am I? I look to find that ONE to pull me from this dreaded place....my mind.

Broken Inside....

Why is it that everything that is sewn up, falls apart again...?
must my heart shatter into a million pieces over and over again? because it hurts...
you mean everything to me but when THAT is brougtht up it crushes me inside...
i know your not aware but i dont have the heart to tell you because thinking about it makes me cry a river...
i love you and i want to be with you forever but i want you to understand that it kills me when you want to talk about THAT...
I keep tellin myself 'if only you knew' 'if only you knew'...
because if only you knew how much it struck me
youd stop, but i dont want your pity,
i need your love...
and even if i told you,
you'd ask why i hadnt before, but its all because i love you...