My Addiction To Escape

It is my only escape,
I am in my own little world and
i will never have to think about
your face,
what you did to me.
I can just keep going and going,
I'll never stop.
I can't,
I won't let myself
stop and think of the pain i will never be able to rid from.
But this is my only escape,
though it will slowly kill me outside,
i'm dead inside;
and so it shouldn't have to matter anymore.
So why is fear still flowing through my lifeless veins?

I Don't Belong...

Is it normal?
Am I?
Because I think I need to die...
I don't want to though,
but I do feel that,
my life is only being lived for personal greed,
a life of true happiness, that's it...
And I cannot stand it.
The selfishness,
it's not proper.
I don't feel good...
Should I disappear,
for good, that is...
My purpose doesn't seem good enough,
for my own self.
So I can't be good enough for anyone else,
right?

Dwelling Is an Unhealthy Symptom

How does someone prevent themselves
from dwelling on something they truly love?
It's not possible is it?
To love something means it is constantly on the mind.
You won't leave mine.
I see you face perfectly,
Everyday.
Everyday it shatters me again
and again.
So much i can barely feel it but it's not ignoreable...
The scars multiply.
The pain festers.
My smiles grow to plasticity...
No sincerity flows at all,
and I don't know how to fix it.
I'm sick of this,
not knowing...
I should leave but my pathetic soul
it is fearful of the intense,
excruciating agony to withhold.
So what now?